There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
