I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
