Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
