I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's blow job season.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
