Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
