the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
