now i know why i became what i already was.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
