I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
