Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
