I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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