Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
