Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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