found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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