Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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