my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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