WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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