He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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