You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
