I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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