I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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