so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
