dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
