He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
