So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
