i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
