I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
