Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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