I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
