My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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