Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
