When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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