i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
