I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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