You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
