sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
