i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
