Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
