how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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