it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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