we have officially lost it.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
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I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
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