I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
