we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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