Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
