I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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