Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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