Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
