I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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