Will you blow on my dice?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
