Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
