She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
