I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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