dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
