Im at strip club and am horny
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
