maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
