you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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