Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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