evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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