Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
