I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
