Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
